To slow down the movement and connect to yourself on a deeper level can take like forever. Or at least when you are into so many things, so many projects, so many people that somehow want something from you and you try to figure out which fire you need to extinguish first. So the process of connecting, is a process of the sailboat without rudder that goes round and round in circles. All of a sudden these circles are becoming smaller and smaller and you end up in the centre of you – your heart.
When we feel a connection to our body and heart, we start to ask ourselves questions, like ‘ and now what?’ Our mind tries to understand what we are doing and since this is a heart and body connection, the mind is lost. Therefore it tries to get us out of this uncomfortable situation by helping us to run away from it. Since this is scary business for the mind and we are usually in the power of the mind, we run far away from it all – getting disconnected again and living our busy lives until we one day again are longing for something more in life. Then the process of connecting starts all over again. This has happened to me several times. Let me share some words on that.
I was living a life with so many activities, so many things going on and pointing in so many directions. I was in production mode, but I never felt creative. Creativity is born from a state of flow, and I was not near a state of flow. I was living in one city, commuting to my full time job in another city 1 hour away, teaching dance and yoga classes in my former hometown 2 hours away from my full time job once a week and also travelling to Stockholm once a week to teach. I was basically living on the train and what I did not understand was – I had no base, no grounding, no home in my life. Nowhere to reflect, nowhere to sometimes relax, nowhere to just be me – without any tasks or must do’s. I never enjoyed anything fully because I was in the future all the time, trying to figure out how I would cope with the next day or next week.
So there was no space for connecting. I was living disconnected, but occasionally I felt some longing and I connected somehow. Then I was not able to stay in all that came up so I ran away. This happened too often in my life until I was part of the car accident five years ago. Not being able to walk, I could not plan anything and needed to be with myself for the first time in my life without any distractions. This was where my process of connecting started. After a while I also started to embrace all the feelings that came up even though I felt overwhelmed.
So when you have connected or reconnected, there will still be a movement inwards. This movement needs to be accompanied by allowance and acceptance of what is spinning inside of you. And of course a lot of unconditional love for yourself. Usually we want to fix the process or hurry up the process, but here we just need to be in that slow movement inwards, embracing all that is in us. That means embracing whatever comes up and welcoming everything from pain to happiness that is flowing in us instead of hiding or suppressing or storing it. Imagine that you are going to cover yourself with bed sheets and in that position just allow and embrace all that comes up. This is a way to prepare yourself for all what will come up later without judgement.
So lets understand this once and for all. Most of us want to escape instead of embracing all that is in us. That means that we distract ourselves with listening to podcasts, watching Netflix series, films, scrolling Instagram or likewise. If we do not distract ourselves digitally we work as much as we can to avoid embracing all that is in us. Some of us solve this by networking, drinking or eating too much. Sugar is also another way to avoid all that comes up in us. These are all ways to protect ourselves from finding a deeper connection to ourselves.
So dare to start listening in. Dare to stay in the connection you have created. Allow feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and show your vulnerability. Feel the movement in you and be with all that is in there. We all need that space to embrace. Space to just breathe and be with ourselves in the connection we created. Therefore it is important to take small steps forward. So start by giving yourself 5 min of silence every day and observe all that is in you. It is not about meditation. It could be a 5 min walk or to enter a park and observe nature. As tiny as that. So let’s start observing and embracing!
With love,
Isabella